Love is a mystery, it can take a second to love someone but it will take a lifetime to get over that second.
The love itself never dies, the loss of love still remains, it just becomes bearable with time.
Personally, I cannot say that I have lost a loved one but I have lost love or what I thought was love.A few years back, I broke up with my first love….. then, I thought that I had dealt with the break up wisely but now I look back and laugh…how young and naïve I was!!
He was funny and shy and I was loud and outgoing, it was the perfect match !! I loved him for how he made me feel…beautiful beyond measure. He looked at me like I was the only one who existed in his world, and I felt like I truly was. We were in love, pure and young. I just wanted to be around him, his touch made my heart beat faster and his warm and gentle smile gave me knots in my stomach. I forever wished that I would spend my days in his warm embrace, my ear to his chest, feeling his heart pump life to his body. He was mine and I was his….
Like all things that are too good to be true, we broke up !!
I went through a few phases that changed the trajectory of my life. I was upset, hurt and angry that we could not reconcile our differences. I was heartbroken that our friends chose sides and most of them chose his. I often wondered how he felt about it, it felt like I was going through the situation alone. He was fine, always with a smile. I missed his hugs, he was the one who always made things better…not this time!! I was angry with myself that I missed him, his voice, his touch even his silence…I missed all of that.
I found myself often secluding myself from family and friends. I had fallen in a hole that I was not willing to come out off. I was comfortable in that hole.
I tried to get him back….For the longest time. I felt like the more I tried the further apart we became. He was gone forever, he had moved on….so quick!! Did he really love me?
Delusion, did he really mean all he had said?
This was the foundation of the wall I started to build……. He would never see me cry !!
Till next time lovelies xoxo
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