Hey lovelies

I have previously talked about what to do before you tie the knot and dating in the technological age but I realise I have not yet given any tips for actually finding that person to go on a date with. The steps below have worked for a lot of individuals including myself, they have been tried and tested 🙂 ** just keep in mind that they are not rules… there’s usually the exceptions**

Here goes,

  1. Figure out what kind of person you would like to date.

You can do this by writing down the must have qualities and attributes you would like in a partner and what you can compromise on. For instance, you can write down that he/she has to be a professional, enjoy physical activities and travelling, must be independent etcetera. It is important to also make sure that you have common interests with the kind of person you are describing. Writing down important points that you will NOT compromise on such as religion, will also save you a lot of time and heart ache. It sucks when you are put in a position where you have to choose between your partner or your beliefs.

2. Once you know what kind of person you want, work on being the kind of person they would be with

You attract what you are !! The same way you judge someone is the same way they will judge you. We all want partners who we are proud to be seen with. Work on that!! Your ideal partner should be someone who loves you for who you are and the qualities you can offer. Work on your confidence bearing in mind that YOU are worth it, you are worth that perfect man !! Confidence is always attractive 🙂

3. Dress Accordingly

The way you dress is the way you will be addressed. It depends on who you are looking for… Politician, DJ, Business owner, Doctor, Surfer etcetera. The way you dress will determine the crowd you attract.

4. Location Location Location!!

Just like real estate, the quality of where you search will most likely determine who you meet. When I was young, the club was the place to be… other young people were there, however, I can no longer use that game plan now. I want a serious relationship with someone who is stable and ready for one too. I can definitely meet the person in a club but a different sort. For instance, if you go to a high end club, you meet people who can afford to be there. It’s a process of elimination. Hang out where your potential partner would be hanging out.

5. Work on your conversation

Have you ever been physically attracted to someone then once they start conversing, that attraction disappears instantly? Intelligence is always attractive!! Learn more about a few common topics of interest such as politics, art or sports and if there is not much to talk about, try and direct the conversation to those topics.

6. Be a good listener

I love an active listener !!! show interest in what the person is talking about by using verbal and non verbal cues such as nodding, maintaining eye contact, smiling, appropriate posture and agreeing or disagreeing e.g saying ‘yes’, ‘mmmhhh’,  ‘ahaa’ or ‘really’. These cues usually show the speaker that you are interested in what they are saying and encourages them to go on.

  7. Give compliments

As a woman, I love receiving compliments. Appropriate compliments that is!! As a teenager, if someone told me I was ‘hot’… that would have been an appropriate compliment. Currently, I will politely walk away if I received such a compliment on the first meeting because I know they are not the kind of person I am looking for. Personally, I would appreciate being told I am beautiful or I have a lovely smile. ** I stress again, it depends on the kind of person you are looking for **  You can never go wrong by giving an honest compliment. Don’t go overboard otherwise you will look like a star struck teenager. Complement their conversation, shoes, clothes, eyes or smile. Compliments can also serve as a conversation starter.

8. Make an effort

If you like someone after the first meeting, arrange a catch up. Do not be too upfront but don’t play too cool either. Women tend to wait for the man to call, I say screw that! you can also make the first move. If I met someone in a social gathering and I had a great time, this is the message I would text him a couple of days latter, ” Hi, this is XXX I met you at the party on Tuesday. It was really nice talking to you. I was wondering if you would be available for a coffee Saturday morning maybe?”

If they enjoyed your company too, they would jump at the opportunity to hang out with you. Do not be dis-heartened if they reply that they are busy, they might actually have plans on that day, in which they might ask for another day or they might not have felt the same attraction, which is OK too … there are plenty of fish!!

Go try this out and let me know how it goes. If you have any more tips, contact me and I will add them in the article.

Now, go and find that partner!!!

Yours Truly,

Asali the relationship guru 🙂