All women dream of getting married since childhood. As we get to our teenage years and start getting attention from young men, our dream gets revived and we feel closer to the goal. Most women can attest that they had their first sexual encounter because they thought it was love, that he was the one and they would live happily ever after. When that doesn’t happen, we move on looking for the next prince who will give us the happily ever after that we dream of.
In actual sense, what we dream about is the wedding, not the marriage itself. Once we get there, we realize how far off we are to the ‘happily ever after’.
So here are some tips or a to-do list that you can tick off before you say I DO!!
1. Fall In Love With Yourself First.
It took me a long time to understand and actualize this statement. loving yourself is building completeness. It is knowing that your self worth and love towards you is not conditioned by another. Loving yourself is being complete and at peace with who you are at all times. Once you rely on your partner to complete you, once they are not there, you will be back to being incomplete. You simply cannot love another unconditionally if you don’t love yourself. You have to feel happy just being in your own company. In my experience, this process does not come easy, it took a lot of soul searching and rediscovery of why I feel a certain way and do certain things.
For example, in my opinion, most women in abusive relationships always think it is their fault that they are abused. There is always an aspect of this man which ties them together. It could be that she was always left by people she loved, and he stayed or she is used to having conditional love – If you give me more, I will love you more.
2. Find Someone Who Complements You Not Who Completes You
Point one talks about loving yourself so you also need to find someone who loves themselves too otherwise you will be completing their existence. Finding someone who does not fully love themselves is exhausting, you will always have to reaffirm them that you truly love them. This kind of relationship leaves room for insecurity and trust issues.
I once had a friend who told me that she thinks her man was cheating or using her because he was too perfect!! They ended up breaking up because she could not stop spying on him.
3. Sort Out Your Daddy or Mommy Issues
You have no idea how many men have told me that I remind them of their mother!! Till now, I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing. It’s a tad bit awkward most times.
It is a fact or should I say that research has found that the type of attachments made by parents towards their children plays a huge role in determining relationship preferences. It’s more of exposure, the more you see the more it becomes normal. We are subconsciously or subliminally, emotionally attracted to the mental image and characteristics of our parents or people who took care of us in our earlier years.
If you have any issues with your childhood care givers, resolve them before attracting the same issues in your marriage. It is so common that women marry a replica of their dad and men of their mom. Some say it is being attracted to your ‘first love’. It can go both ways, if you come from a dysfunctional family, which most of us do, try and start your own with a clean slate.
4. Get Along With Your In-laws To Be
You know what they say, ‘when you marry your partner, you marry his family too.’ They will always be there and they will make it unbearable for you if they hate you. People divorce everyday because of their families.
5. Be Honest
Encourage honesty in your relationship. Let your partner know about your past and if he judges you according to what you no longer are, then he is not the one for you. You’ve all heard of the man from China who sued his wife for deceiving him about having plastic surgery. He found out after she gave birth…according to him, to a “horrifically ugly baby”. Everything hidden always comes to the light at some point, so you might as well start with being honest.
You don’t want your husband finding out you were a stripper from your previous customer!!
6. Pray For Your Partner
In my opinion, this is the most important step. Always pray for your partner and if you don’t have one, pray for your future partner wherever he is that he finds his way to you….. in excellent condition lol
Happy Married Life